HOLY SMOKES!!! Somebody made a batch file that sacrifices a chicken!!!
Out of long habit, I have been doing by hand what that update batch file does automagically. Apparently, I've been leaving some step off (such as sacrificing a chicken).
I don't know what that thing does (besides the chicken, I mean), but it worked.
Of course, now I *really *really* want to know *WHY* it worked. Chickens just aren't all that powerful.